Ya’ll I’m 40. Am I upset or scared or regretful? Hell no! This is by far my most impressive feat. I’m incredibly proud of this birthday. It’s been a long ass 40 years and I was pretty convinced bipolar would kill me by now. But, so far, I’m too strong and stubborn to give up. Perhaps, too stubborn at times. But if I’m always right, what’s the problem?
The best gift 40 has given me is the permission to strive for more bad ass moments and the freedom to fail. All the while knowing it’s not because I’m broken or bad or weak. I failed at staying stable enough to keep a job at a business my husband and I created. That was a breaking point for me. But there is freedom in this failure. I can now jump off a ledge and think, “Welp here we go. Hope I don’t crash and burn.” Knowing if I do, I’ll be ok. I jumped off a cliff when opening the brewery and damn did I crash hard. But it led to a life that finally fits.
In the end, as I welcome 40, I don’t have many regrets. I have a very clear understanding of what matters to me. My family and friends, writing, travelling, and doing everything I can to make those with mental illness feel seen, less ashamed, and less lonely.
No matter what birthday you have coming up, who do you yearn to be and how can you show up to life like that? I’m going to be doing a video and blog next Wednesday about your bad ass moments. Those moments you look back and think, damn I did that and go text everyone you know to tell them. Where you feel whole or seen or worthy. I’m going to talk about what makes a bad ass moment, what gets in the way, and how to make more.
nothing scared me more than the first trip to Africa to do archaeology. I don't like heat, bugs, and most food so what the hell was I doing? Crying at the airport not wanting to go, then 5 weeks later messaging hubby a week before I was to return to Vancouver that I didn't really want to come home. Yah, life's like that. Inch up to the edge, look what's there and "JUUUMMMPPPP"! Not literally of course.
ReplyDeleteI think jumping makes life worth it. For me at least.
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