Ok, hear me out here. I’m really not taking the piss. These containers get a bad rap, but they’ve made communing with nature more comfortable when having a fun(?) camping trip. You know, when you set up tents and spend three days taking staged pics to show how much fun others are missing out on. Instagram perfect moments. #naturebitches.
So, here’s 3 reasons porta potties deserve respect:
1)No auto flush. That shit scares me. How many times have you jumped up and looked between your legs to see what all the fuss is about? Just me? Mmmkay. I’ll be scrolling through Facebook and the toilet decides it’s had enough of my shit before I even start. I never know what to do. Should I leave before I’m finished or stay in protest? I go back and forth between feeling guilty for overstaying my welcome and indignant because I’ll goddamn leave when I’m ready!
2)The smell. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “But Brandi. It smells like someone ate enough curry to suffer the burn.” Perhaps, but I find it refreshing that it’s not trying to be something it’s not. Whenever I go into those bathrooms with an Orange Blossom diffuser, it reminds me of the girl who brags about guarding her special flower but gets pollinated in the backseat of a jalopy. We all know the down low of the biffy boom-boom. It doesn’t need to smell like a meadow.
3)Better than crouching at 2am. First, you need a piddle partner to keep an eye out for bears and drunk teenagers. Next, you grab your unmentionables and pull them forward not sure where the spigot will spray. (Based on my female experience.) I don’t know how, but even in an area with just dirt, a lone blade of grass tickles the fanny and tries to venture into the no enter zone. You try your best not to get any on the undies. But let’s be honest, you do. So, you sit around the fire, checking your Instagram stats, knowing that everyone has a little dribble in their drawers.
So, there’s my list. I hope next time you need to use one you think of me. Wait, no. Wipe that.
.
So, here’s 3 reasons porta potties deserve respect:
1)No auto flush. That shit scares me. How many times have you jumped up and looked between your legs to see what all the fuss is about? Just me? Mmmkay. I’ll be scrolling through Facebook and the toilet decides it’s had enough of my shit before I even start. I never know what to do. Should I leave before I’m finished or stay in protest? I go back and forth between feeling guilty for overstaying my welcome and indignant because I’ll goddamn leave when I’m ready!
2)The smell. I know, I know. You’re thinking, “But Brandi. It smells like someone ate enough curry to suffer the burn.” Perhaps, but I find it refreshing that it’s not trying to be something it’s not. Whenever I go into those bathrooms with an Orange Blossom diffuser, it reminds me of the girl who brags about guarding her special flower but gets pollinated in the backseat of a jalopy. We all know the down low of the biffy boom-boom. It doesn’t need to smell like a meadow.
3)Better than crouching at 2am. First, you need a piddle partner to keep an eye out for bears and drunk teenagers. Next, you grab your unmentionables and pull them forward not sure where the spigot will spray. (Based on my female experience.) I don’t know how, but even in an area with just dirt, a lone blade of grass tickles the fanny and tries to venture into the no enter zone. You try your best not to get any on the undies. But let’s be honest, you do. So, you sit around the fire, checking your Instagram stats, knowing that everyone has a little dribble in their drawers.
So, there’s my list. I hope next time you need to use one you think of me. Wait, no. Wipe that.
.
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