I had a conversation recently that surprised me.
My new job has the title Office Administrator, but really it’s a hodgepodge of IT, streamlining office procedures, design, and social media. By far, my weakest area is IT. My brain just doesn’t understand the underpinnings of IT - nor does it want to.
I was trying to upload OneDrive and M365 data to an external hard drive but it wouldn’t let me because the drive apparently needed to be partitioned. What the af does that even mean? I had spent the day frustrated by technology, and now this?
My brain kind of exploded, and words just started tumbling out of my mouth. In front of my new boss. Well—to my boss, really. I wasn’t rude but I did express that all this IT stuff is beyond what an admin usually does and maybe I’m not the right person for this job and that I might not live up to his expectations. He responded that I could still learn a lot of these things. And then, even surprising myself, I said, But what if I don’t want to? What if I don’t want a job where I need to know all this IT stuff?
He seemed taken aback… and honestly, I felt grounded.
I’ve only had this job for a month, and here I am saying, But wait—what if I don’t want this job?Searching for a job is awful. There are few part-time jobs out there that would work for me, and yet here I am willing to walk away because I don’t want to spend my days doing a job that is full of frustration and little joy.
What amazed me, though, was that I wasn’t nervous during this conversation and I didn’t spend the rest of the day agonizing over it. I felt like I had the right to create a life that I actually wanted to wake up for every day. Not just a right—but a responsibility to find joy and meaning.
I think audacity is a positive trait. It gives me the strength and presence of mind to show up as myself even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable for others. What I want and need matters, and I will voice it even if that means changing course again and again.
