I understand that the end of this saying is supposed to be stronger. However, I highly disagree that this is always the outcome of long and/or extreme struggles. I think what doesn’t kill you can make you too exhausted to live the life you want, shut you down, make you resentful and sarcastic, and a whole host of other not so positive consequences.
From my experience, and what I’ve witnessed in others, there is a point at which pain does lead to strength but once the struggle becomes too intense or lasts too long it’s not strength and resilience that are the prominent outcomes. It can be much more destructive and change the person at a fundamental level.
My hardest struggle, bipolar disorder, has not killed me but it has made me resentful and exhausted. I’m resentful that no matter how hard I try to make forward momentum in my career and finances I’m always being pulled back into bipolar’s seemingly endless and horrible symptoms. It’s exhausting to constantly be starting all over again.
But I think the worst outcome of my bipolar struggle is how much time I spend hating myself because of how broken I feel. Is it as bad as it was twenty years or even five years ago? Probably not, but I spend too much time feeling like I’m a failure and worthless.
So, why is this saying so popular and why can it be problematic? Perhaps because people are trying to come up with reasons for why they are facing certain challenges in life but I think that sometimes horrible things just happen and trying to convince ourselves or other people that our only choice is to become stronger can make everything harder and heavier. Maybe for your harder struggles, you can allow yourself the space and grace to feel all the negative feelings without the expectation that you also need to somehow create more strength and resiliance within yourself.
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